Imagine you’re like in a party and somebody tells you “somebody died fast we need to go to the funeral” and you’re just like
what the fuck kind of scenario is that
a gatsby party
THE BOOKS BEEN OUT SINCE 1925 YOU ABSOLUTE PANCAKE
remove the word mildly, because if you’re truly triggered it’s beyond “uncomfortable” otherwise, THIS
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what you get when you stand up to a man who beats his young girlfriend in public. Not the black eye, not the broken nose, but the sense of being a fucking great human being.
I’m sorry but I don’t think this story is true.
I’d like to believe it’s true! Trust me! I’d love a nice feel good story to make me feel good about the human race, but sadly, there are way too many things wrong with this story.
- Either you were headbutted by a man with the smallest head in the world, or a Legoman. Your “black eye” should be swollen, your eyelids should be somewhat closed and your temple on the side of your head should be swollen too. A black eye is a serious thing, man. Your body doesn’t let that slide. I know people who’ve hit their eye and within an afternoon it’s ballooned up.
The purple around your eye is the most suspicious part. Blood vessels don’t really adhere to one singular colour. There are yellows, reds, violets, and finally, purples. Your black eye looks like a very bad make up job.
- You claim that the police got DNA from the headbutt to your nose. I’m not well versed in the practise of forensics, and I bet not a lot of people on Tumblr are, but a few things immediately stand out from your story:
- Your nose (and in extension, your face) goes through a lot of contaminates every day. Your face is exposed to the elements. Now, say you did have DNA on your face, who’s to say that wouldn’t be rubbed off by the rain? Or the wind? Or when you take off your clothes? How much DNA can you REALLY swab from a headbutt? Don’t you wear make up? Wouldn’t that contaminate it?
- Why are the police getting a DNA sample if there was a witness right there? Surely a witness is enough to convict this guy? DNA samples are also really expensive, and take a lot of time! Why would they use on you when there are rape cases, murder cases, etc.
- If you got hit in the nose, and this is my main point, wouldn’t you touch where you’d been hit, and therefore rub the DNA away? I don’t know about you but if I got hit, I would touch where I got hit to protect it. It’s a natural instinct.
- Looking at your previous photos, the most jarring thing occurs.
The top photo is taken merely FIVE DAYS after your broken nose post. Now, I’m pretty sure you’re not Wolverine, and you can’t heal a broken nose within five days.
As you can see, I’ve placed the broken nose picture over a recent one, and there is honestly no difference in your nose.
For something so prominent, it looks exactly the same. Where are the bandages? Where are the plasters? You’ve apparently broken your nose! Where’s the medical attention?
- I don’t like the look of your court letter.
Why is such a serious document scrunched up so much? That’s a legal document that you need to keep hold of in your records, why does it look like you’ve ran it through your pocket a hundred and fifty times?
There’s also no official seal, and no signature on the document, which means…
Anyone could’ve written this.
Fire up Microsoft Word, select Helvetica, and off we go…
I understand you live in Weston Super Mare, and I know it’s a rough area, but still…
You’ve linked newspaper articles that are related to you.
But, why are the police appealing for witnesses? If they have his DNA, if the woman in question was right there, if you were right there, they have enough to convict him. That’s two witnesses and straight up DNA evidence, right?
Then again, the newspapers you’re in aren’t exactly the BBC. You can submit stories to them with little to no evidence.
- After talking to my medical student friend, she has the following to say on your “injury”. Please bear in mind that she’s going to become a doctor one day and has far more training that you and I.
Me: Is that a real black eye?
Her: No, not at all! It would be swollen. Not as even in colour, they start out red. Her nose is def not broken, she’d probably have two black eyes if it was. Bruises start red because it’s blood pooling, then as the iron in the blood changes it turn bluish black, then green, then yellow and not all at the same time - you get varying stages of colour. She wouldn’t even be able to open her eyes if someone headbutted her and broke her nose.
So, there we go. Someone who will one day look after us all, and reads medical books has deemed this a fake injury, nice one.
- But let’s move on from what is, or what isn’t and onto the post itself.
Look, I get it. You’re a feminist, you want to fight for woman’s rights, you want to take down us men because we rule the world or whatever, but your post reeks of “Women are weak, I just stood up for a woman! I’m a woman! I fight! Men shouldn’t hit women! I sacrificed my body to prove a point!”
Here’s a much better message you could send to the world:
“How about no one hits anyone?”
It’s all well and good saying women shouldn’t hit men, but if Tumblr has taught me anything it’s that gender is entirely fluid and therefore the bodies we find ourselves in may not be the ones that we wanted, and as a consequence, a woman hitting a man may actually be a woman identifying as a man hitting a man and now we’re onto a huge debate onto who is what in what body doing what with who, but let me focus:
This story is false. The injury isn’t real. I’m highly doubtful of the events in question, and even if they did occur, screwing up your court letter and lying about what the police can do is not the way to make a name for yourself.
Surely preaching equality through, “Can we all just not hit each other?” Rather than, “Men are pigs and they hit women!” would be a better way to go, but then again, you did put make up on your face and fabricate a whole story…
Holy shitdicks, I’ve just witnessed online detective shiznit.
Everytime I see this post on my dashboard, without the debunking, I make it a goal to find it and reblog it.
i can’t fucking stand people who go to such stupid lengths to fake a story for notes, especially for internet praise like jfc it’s one thing to fake a story because the scenario was funny. But fabricate a whole story to make believe you’re some kind of hero???? fuck u havent ya ever seen Sharktale????
dear followers, here’s the debunking!!
When I originally saw this I was suspicious but just shrugged it off.
A sense of humor can make everything better. Sex isn’t like it is in the movies or in porn. There will be strange and weird and awkward sounds, there might be a silly interruption like the cat or a kid… you might knock heads or trip getting undressed. Sex is funny, foreplay is funny and sometimes you need to just laugh. It will keep things from getting awkward! If you take sex too seriously you aren’t truly enjoying it!
Not to mention a sense of humor can be really sexy no matter what your gender identity is!
this comic is literally my favorite thing on tumblr.
i’ve always said if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with while you’re having sex with them you shouldn’t be having sex with them.
My husband once walked up behind me while i was sitting in the living room just watching t.v…and he put his penis on my shoulder and said “hello..”
THIS WAS HIS SEDUCTION.
THIS WAS HIS IDEA OF HOW TO GET ME INTO BED.
it worked, but not before I laughed for days.
For that last comment.
I always had a ton of weird funky condoms at my place because I volunteered with Planned Parenthood and did a lot of sex education and sex positive work. I literally had no less than like thirty different types of condoms at a time. So when it came time to grabbing a condom it was a grab bag of WHO KNOWS what you’ll end up with.
Long story short, my boyfriend grabs one, puts it on, heat of the moment type thing, a some point we both look down and see it’s an ELECTRIC GREEN condom. Dead pan he looks me straight in the eye and in his best impression goes “HEY HO. KERMIT DEE FROG HERE.” And I COMPLETELY LOST IT.
On a completely different occasion I said “don’t stop” and he sang ALL of Don’t Stop Believing. All of it. All of it. Right then and there. Without stopping.
Can I add the story about how me and one of my partners had a very enthralling discussion about deserts while I was on top of him?
Or the time my partner’s friends blasted “Eye of the Tiger” through the door and we rocked it out to the beat while quoting the movie?
I was with this girl during a trip out to Washington, we’d hung out a few times, and hit it off really well. So we got together one afternoon. Her dorm-mate came home, saw the “Do Not Disturb” sock on her bedroom door and called out “Thrusters to full!”
Not missing a beat the girl and I yelled back “We’re giving it all we’ve got, Captain!” and her roommate started fucking dying outside the door.
Probably should have proposed right on the spot, but whatever.
It got better.
Wizards can make fun of muggles all they want but the joke’s on them because phones can do in two seconds what they use owls and high-level magic to do, AND we have tanks. Try to avada kedavra a tank you stick-wiggling nerds
When someone expects me to blindly stride into a childish trap and, electrocute myself.
If everyone doesn’t reblog this, I’m unfollowing all of you.
Posting for two reasons 1. ^^^
2. Martin freeman
that made me realize that is martin freeman
I guess the point is that most people on tumblr aren’t after your kids?